Mackenzie Announces Formation of Third Newspaper Because "Two Is Not Enough"

By: Simmy Farrokhzad & Jocko Namer

TORONTO, ON - Today, the Mackenzie Bureau of Maximal News Distribution has proudly announced the founding of a third newspaper, the Springbok, which is set to launch in approximately two and a half weeks. “We, the Mackenzie Bureau of Maximal News Distribution, are proud to announce the founding of the Springbok,” Bureau director Meena Amarnath told reporters from Mackenzie’s other two newspapers at the press conference. “I, along with the rest of the Bureau, are confident that the Springbok will be a welcome addition to the school community.”

When asked about why the Springbok was being formed, deputy-principal Jimmy Mackels took the stand. “We all know the vital importance of high school newspapers,” deputy-principal Mackels said. “Without school newspapers, the student body would be as uninformed as those Americans who can’t even find their own country on a map. Unfortunately, here at Mackenzie we are seeing a major shortage of news, and levels of unawareness are rising at an unsustainable rate. Turns out, no high school can cope with only two newspapers.”

Not everyone is happy about the addition of the Springbok however. “How could the school’s administration approve this? They are trying to undermine the legitimacy of Mackenzie’s only real newspaper, the Lyon.” said the Lyon’s chief editor, Simmy Farrokhzad, on condition he remain anonymous. “We are already censored,” he added plaintively, “and we’ve been so obedient this year, so obedient.” “Same here,” agreed the Flounder’s head, Jocko Namer, who also wished to remain anonymous.

According to an insider report from the Mackenzie Bureau of Insider Reports, the Mackenzie Bureau of Maximal News Distribution is already making plans for a fourth newspaper, the Barn Swallow.