Teacher Denies Virtual Student Access to Washroom

By: Sud Niel

TORONTO ON - Last Tuesday Mr. Oswald, in an unprecedented sociopolitical move, decided to not allow Jack Ghitt to visit his washroom during Mr. Oswald’s lesson which was being held over Zoom.

“It was a matter of setting the correct precedent.” explained Teacher minority leader Robert Harvey. “If he allowed this proposal to pass then what would be next? Allowing students to drink water? Chew gum? Wear baseball caps inside?”.

Ghitt’s immediate reaction to his proposed washroom excursion being shot down was to launch into a nearly 16 minute-long filibuster, in which he delayed Mr. Oswald’s decision to pass up until the end of class.

“Jack Ghitt made the best of the situation. As it is delayed until the next class, Ghitt now has the option to appeal the decision through the student activity council,” commented the Flounder’s senior political analyst, Moe Ronn. “Ghitt’s fight for the right to urinate in virtual class could potentially be the catalyst for change at Mackenzie.”

Some pro-student lobbyists have already begun to express their discontent with the Teacher Union’s decision. “This was an unnecessary show of the power that, frankly, the teachers should not have over our school-society,” said lobbyist Lee Keybum.

Similar sentiments could not be heard across the aisle. “This proposal would have put unnecessary pressure on that class’s infrastructure and threaten tens of potential jobs,” said TOP leader Pierre Pantz, “These policies, however unpopular they are… they exist for a reason.”

Non-partisans are advocating for more communication between the two sides. “If the student had just peed before the class, we wouldn’t be in this democratic mess.” said Moe Thafuka.

A referendum is already being sought after by nearly 43% of the student body. The vote would seek to regulate the teachers’ power in a classroom setting.