Unemployment Projections Increase 2000% After Mackenzie Class Fails Colouring Assignment
TORONTO, ON - This afternoon, the Student Economic Council (SEC) released an update to their 10-year unemployment projections after a Grade 9 science class at Mackenzie failed an assignment to colour in the groups of the periodic table. Instead of colouring the noble gases light purple, the students coloured them dark purple. This resulted in every student getting a 94% on the assignment, an “effective fail” according to the SEC.
The updated projections are grim: the previous average unemployment rate of 5% has now increased by 2000%. In addition, student researchers predict the collapse of entire sectors of the economy as well as mass homelessness occurring over the next 10 years.
“This will cause the greatest economic disaster humanity has ever seen,” said SEC president Silverman Sachs. “A failed assignment is indicative of a poor work ethic and low IQ. That further indicates that these students will never get into university, which will prevent them from being employed in any manner whatsoever.”
Upon seeing the updated unemployment projections, some students have already begun preparing for their impending doom. “I’m learning how to make animal balloons,” said a student in the aforementioned Grade 9 science class. “It’s going to look great on my application to clown college.”