TDSB Cancels Exams After Lack of Cheating at Mackenzie Deemed "Suspicious"

Mackenzie is calling on students to begin cheating again and put an end to their suspicious behaviour.
By: Ina Sent

This February, Mackenzie saw the lowest cheating rates ever after a survey conducted by teachers determined that no students cheated on their evaluations. TDSB officials were in shock when they saw this report in February’s issue of the flounder, as low cheating rates always suggest students are up to something. All exams were cancelled until the end of the year as a protective measure.

TDSB High Vice-President of the Presidents of Anti-Cheating Cheating Regulations, Chad Chad, says, “We don’t want to panic anyone, but this could turn out to be the greatest threat our country has ever faced. Students simply do not avoid cheating to such an extent; this behaviour is extremely dangerous.”

The TDSB’s leading theories suggest that this lack of cheating may be part of a larger, and extremely dangerous, plan. This plan may include drug consumption, burglary, murder, and Herbalife sales. According to Chad Chad, “What is especially concerning is that even though these students have stopped cheating completely, marks seem to be higher than ever, especially on multiple choice questions. This obviously suggests criminal behaviour.”

Mackenzie is calling on students to begin cheating again and put an end to their suspicious behaviour. The school’s Vice Principal of Cheating, who prefers to remain unnamed, says, “All students should immediately return to their behaviour as it was before this survey was conducted. Students who are honest on evaluations will be immediately suspended.”

To help fight the honesty at Mackenzie, teachers are now required to post answers online at least 48 hours before an evaluation. Additionally, teachers are being asked to lower the amount they monitor students, to conduct more of their evaluations online, and to make questions less application-based so that answers are easier to copy. Failure to comply with these procedures by a teacher will result in immediate termination, followed by a rehiring, and a second termination for dramatic effect and to set an example.

No students were available for comment.