OBAMA Becomes The World’s Leading Mining Industrial Conglomerate

"Why earn gold stars when you can earn gold bars?", says Mynkrapht Steev, a Mackenzie student turned minor miner.
By: Kris Hansin

The former school, once known as William Lyon Mackenzie Collegiate Institute, has undergone a complete rebrand. After forgoing high school education, the new mining industrial conglomerate has quickly become the world’s leading mining site under the new name Official Best Association at Mining Activities, more commonly known as OBAMA.

This transition from mentoring to mining happened in early 2021, following the discovery of a valuable resource in Mackenzie–the textbook. According to Reggie ÜnÜnÜn, Mackenzie’s textbook treasurer and former president of Guatemala, Mackenzie houses over 1 quintillion textbooks with more reserves being found daily. The only thing overshadowing this bountiful supply is the immense value of this rare mineral.

According to Mackenzie staff, textbooks are “very expensive to replace”. Teachers have consistently had the valuation going from “costing $60” to “costing over $100” in a matter of a couple years. The inconsistent price point can only mean one thing: textbook trade value is exponentially skyrocketing! With an endless pool of resources that only seem to spike in value each year, it’s shocking Mackenzie didn’t switch to the mining industry sooner.

As the former school transitioned into the mining industry, the staff assumed management and brokerage roles while the students worked in the mines. The combination of a business savvy teaching staff comparable to r/wallstreetbets and the minor miners’ years of Minecraft training resulted in an overnight success for OBAMA.

It is believed once they settle their copyright lawsuit with the 44th president of the United States, they will go on to make roughly 69x Amazon’s profit in 2020. More schools may attempt to follow suit, however it is believed OBAMA will own most of Earth and 12% of Mars by June 2021, preventing the chance for competing industries to rise. “Some may not approve of buying planets, but reality is often disappointing. We will make sure the industry is perfectly balanced, as all things should be. This change will happen thanks to our great profits allowing reality to be whatever we want. Simply put, we are inevitable,” said CEO of OBAMA, Thanos Karr.