Gardening Club Arrested For Illegal Drug Production
TORONTO, ON – Today, the Toronto Police Service have wrapped up one of their most extensive investigations this month, and the entire Mackenzie Gardening Club has been detained on charges of drug production.
Throughout the year, Gardening Club members had been illegally using the school gardening plot to grow an assortment of narcotic plants. The plants were then refined into potent substances using the school’s chemistry equipment. “Someone’s been watching too much Breaking Bad,” Police detective Anaisha Agarwal commented in a press briefing.
Surprisingly, the reaction to the incident has been mixed from the student body. “They used to grow all kinds of flowers. Now they only seem to grow poppies” a grade 11 student named Muhammed Ali noted disappointedly. “I miss the orchids. I like orchids.”
On the other hand, some students will be missing the revenue. “If the government will not pay for the school’s air conditioning, who will? Our only option is to take the fate of our air conditioning into our own hands, and pay for it ourselves” a grade 12 student named Quinton D’Souza wrote in an angry email to the school’s principal. “The fastest way to raise the required funds is through the narcotics trade, whether it’s frowned upon or not.”
Despite the mixed response from students, Mackenzie’s administration has fully condemned the actions of the Gardening Club. “I am deeply disappointed in this club,” Mackenzie’s Assistant Vice-Principal Timmy Rice told the Flounder. “As with smoking and vaping, it is TDSB policy that all drug production be done off school property.”